The Rock

Even when you are the rock of the relationship, the one holding everything together, it is okay not to be okay. 
We’ve had a few tough times recently & everything all became a bit too much for me to handle, I didn’t know if I was coming or going most days, but I felt like I had no right to not be okay but it wasn’t really me going through the tough times, just having to watch someone else go through them.
But I’ve learnt the hard way, as per usual… that it is okay to not be okay, even when you are the one holding everything together, trying to be the strong one & power through.
Everyone has a breaking point, even the most strong confident people in the world, everyone needs some time out sometime & that is completely natural. 
It’s not natural to be okay with everything all of the time, that just isn’t human nature & we are only human so we can only do what human nature intends.

The thing you need to remember is the universe has got your back, even though it doesn’t seem like there is an end in sight it is coming, it is on it’s way, you just need to listen quietly & let the universe show you how to get there.
Act on your instincts because they are your instincts for a reason.
This morning I posted a message in a Mindset programme I am part of, explaining the situation & how I just felt like my mindset was shattered & I was emotionally shattered, by doing this I ended up speaking to someone that had been through something similar & managed to pick up some amazing tips to help in the future, not just to help me but to help my family.
But if I hadn’t of acted on my instincts then I would never of got chatting to that wonderful lady & I wouldn’t of learnt the things I have today which could quite possible change our future & help us finally get to the end of this rocky road.
Remember that no one’s life is perfect, people will only show you what they want to show you, no one knows what goes on behind closed doors. 

You’re not everyone’s cup of tea

Just like you don’t click with everyone, not everyone will click with you, no matter what you do, no matter how hard you try, these people will just simply not like you.
But the world is also filled with so many people that love you fiercely, the ones who love you, these are your people, your tribe, your squad, YOUR people!
There is no point in wasting your time and heart on trying to convince the people who are not your people that you have value, they will completely miss it, they won’t buy what you are trying to sell them, don’t try to convince them to enjoy your journey with you because you will only be wasting your time and your emotions.
You are not for them and they are not for you, you are not their cup of tea and they are not yours. 
Politely move along and leave these people to themselves, seek to share your journey with people with those who recognise and appreciate your gifts  & who you are. 
Spend time with people who are on a similar journey to yourself, this will uplift, empower and inspire you!
Be who you are, you won’t be everyone’s cup of tea, but that is okay!

More Than ‘Mum’

I see this happen all over the place and I actually think it is really sad, but, lot’s of new mums end up feeling trapped & lost because they have completely lost their identity and have just become ‘mum’, I sometimes see this to the extent that some mums have even changed their name to ‘Dexter’s Mum’ on their social media account.
Don’t get me wrong, we LOVE our babies more than anything in the world, but it is so important to love yourself too!
You need to keep that identity of who you were before you had your baby, you want your baby to grow up to be an individual & to do the things they love, but how do you expect them to do this if you’re not setting the example to them?
Plus you will eventually just end up going insane!
It is not selfish to take some time out and look after yourself, whether that is just having a quick relaxing bath or sitting down quietly and reading a book, it is SO important that we look after ourselves just as well as we look after our babies.
If you’re not 100% yourself, you cannot expect to be benefiting anyone to your full potential if you are not benefiting yourself to your full extent.
“You cannot pour from an empty cup.”
I am a new mum myself, with another one on the way, BUT I still continue to do the things that I am passionate about, I haven’t just become ‘mum’, because I want to show to my children that I am a strong, confident & passionate individual, and I want them to say that they are proud of me.
Just playing mum, they will be thankful for everything I have done, but will they be proud… Probably not, because you are just doing what is needed to be done and not doing anything that fuels your fire & that you are passionate about. 
If you’re passionate about hair & beauty, set a side 10 minutes a day to quickly put your face on, if you like to read, set aside 15 minutes or more a day to read a couple of pages of your book, if your passionate about being fit & healthy, incorporate it into your day, don’t just decide that you haven’t got time because you’re a mum.
Time is an illusion, if you tell yourself you don’t have time to do something then you won’t do it, we actually always have time, we just need to use it wisely & not waste it.
I am still ME, I am not just mum , mummy or mama, I am ME!

It’s Okay To Say No

It’s okay to say no, inspired by my best friend, Chelsea, as she can never say no! (I actually wrote this blog ages ago… but she still hasn’t learnt her lesson!)
This can be something we all struggle with though, maybe not all the time but I bet there is at lease one person you just can’t say no too, or maybe you just can’t say no to anyone, the word just does not exist to you.
But why can’t you say no? What makes you think that you have to do something you don’t want to do just to make someone else happy? YOU DON’T! If you don’t want to do something, YOU DON’T HAVE TO DO IT! 
It really is that simple…
Why should you spend your time doing you’re not enjoying? Life is too short for that BS. If you don’t want to do it just because it’s bad timing, guess what… you can rearrange!
Or maybe it’s just something you really won’t enjoy, so be honest & tell them! You can always change your plans & do something you’ll both enjoy. 
Being able to say no to people is so so so important! If your doing something just to make someone else happy & not because you want to or you’re enjoying it.
The you are not being the best version of yourself whilst spending time with that person, we all want to be the best version of ourselves, especially when we are spending time with others right?
So next time someone invites you to do something & you really don’t fancy it, say no, rearrange, or plan to do something different! It’s that easy!!!
Enjoy life whilst you still can, it soon passes by, so don’t be scared of trying new things, that is not a good enough excuse to say no in my book!

Loving Someone With Anxiety

Anxiety is something we live with on a daily basis, some days are more of a struggle than others, but before I go on, I would just like to say that everyone will have some form of anxiety at some point in their lives, it is a natural emotion, if you didn’t feel anxious from time to time, then I would be slightly worried about you.
Before I go any further into this, you’ll notice that I NEVER use the term ‘SUFFERS WITH ANXIETY’ why..?
Just because you are more anxious than the average person doesn’t mean you have to suffer, just means you have to learn how to live with it in your life & learn how to manage your thoughts & feelings in a different way to most.
Everyone is capable of leading a happy life & by saying that someone ‘suffers’ with anxiety just adds to the stigma around mental health & makes the people that do live with it believe that they have no choice but to ‘suffer’, when actually with the right tool & practices in motion, they can live a ‘normal’ happy life, the reason I write ‘normal’ like this is because, what is actually normal?
We all have our own interpretation of normality.
I’m not going to be writing about how you can help yourself if you live with anxiety, but I am going to be writing about having someone in your life that you really care about, that lives with anxiety, because it isn’t easy for the person living with it, or the people in their lives & it can be really difficult to cope on a daily basis yourself even though you’re not the one that has it. 
For me, I have two people in my life with anxiety, the two closest people to me, my partner & my best-friend, in some ways it’s a good thing because they have become extremely close & they have each other for support, they ‘get it’, they understand how the other person is feeling.
But it can be extremely difficult for myself, even the simplest of tasks can be so difficult, eating out, going shopping, going to appointments, meeting new people, family events, or even just a small change to already made plans or a daily routine, or even telling them something that your unsure of how they will react, the things most people do without a care in the world, because to them it’s ‘normal’.
Everything & anything we do has so much thought behind it & god help me if there is a last minute change, even going to eat out, I have to make sure the place we’re going is quiet, that they have their menu online so they can check it first, even then, once we get there this is generally how it goes down…
  • Sit down,
  • Look at the menu again,
  • Can decide what they want to eat,
  • Too paranoid of trying something new incase they don’t like it,
  • Order the same thing they do everywhere, 
  • Order food,
  • Anxiety starts to get the better of them,
  • They feel sick,
  • They spend the next 30 minutes to an hour in the toilets or outside,
  • I’m left sat on my own to eat my meal,
  • They return to the table,
  • We leave
It has honestly got to the point where I just don’t even bother suggesting it anymore, but they know they have got to do it, because if they don’t how will they ever overcome their problems. FEEL THE FEAR & DO IT ANYWAY!
The moment we walk out the door, all I’m thinking about is, ‘I hope they’re okay’, I keep looking at them trying to tell what they are thinking, I see the worry in their eyes, I see them looking around at everyone & I can see them feeling like the world is closing in on them, I can see them start to get the tremors, I can see them holding their chest because it’s getting so tight they are struggling to breath.
That for me is the hardest part of all, all I can do is reassure them that there is nothing to worry about everything is fine & hope that they listen & can calm themselves down.
All I want to do is take their pain away. 
In some ways I am lucky though, because they both realise that they can have a better life, they don’t have to feel this way & they are willing to do whatever they can to improve themselves, although it is heart breaking when they tell you that they feel like they are holding you back from all the great things in life, to me, the great things are them! 
I’m so so so proud of my best friend, she use to drink EVERYDAY!
Openly admits she was an alcoholic, but it was the only thing that would take her anxiety away and make her feel ‘normal’, then she made the effort to change that, she went to rehab because she is in control of her life, her life is not controlled by her anxiety, now she has been sober for over 2 years & her life has completely turned around, obviously she still has the daily struggle with her mental health but she now sees it all with a clear head so she is more on top of it than she has EVER been, words can’t even express how proud I am of her for managing to do that. 
I’m also so proud of my partner too, we had our son in July 2016 & he has been the best daddy I could ever imagine him to be, he just gets on with it because he knows that it’s all for Dexter & he fights with himself everyday to make sure Dexter is having the best possible life he can, since I drafted this post we have completed our family by adding a baby girl to our family who is now 18 months old & called Skylah.
Anyway, the reason I really wanted to write this post was because when I try to speak to people that don’t have someone with anxiety in their lives, I feel like I’m completely misunderstood, I get frustrated with their responses sometimes & people just don’t seem to ‘get it’, so I wanted to let those people that are out there, trying their hardest to support someone they love living with anxiety, that actually you’re not alone, there is other people out there going through a similar experience to what you are having. 
There is still such a stigma attached to mental health, but we have come so far in the last 50 years, it only gives me hope for the future. 

Second chance

How do you know whether someone deserves a second chance?

  1. If you feel like you may of made a mistake by cutting them off in the first place, you may be surprised & realise you had the person all wrong.
  2. You rejected them because you were jealous, being jealous of someone can make you want to distance yourself from them but instead you should be using them as inspiration to reach your goals.
  3. You’re missing out on expanding on your life, it can be difficult to relate to people who are different to yourself, but that doesn’t mean you won’t get along once you’ve gotten to know each other & started to understand one another  for who you are.
  4. You were in a bad mood when you decided to give up on them, once you’ve calmed  down you may begin to think that you over reacted slightly & you were a bit harsh on them.
  5. You’re only damaging yourself, it’s not good to reject someone that you need to enjoy family or social life, you could miss out on family & social events. It is also the same for work, by giving someone the colder shoulder you could miss out on a promotion.
  6. You rejected them due to someone else’s opinion rather than your own, that person’s opinion could of been made up of jealousy & misunderstanding, it’s always better to decide for yourself.

Read – Know when to cut someone off




Know when to cut someone off

Everyone makes mistakes, but how do you know when to cut someone off or give them a second chance?

Remember that everything happens for a reason & everyone you meet will serve a purpose to your life, but it doesn’t mean that they will be in your life forever.

If someone is always negative the atmosphere a do under them will also always be negative & they will never achieve any of their hopes & dreams. Where as if you spend time with positive people the atmosphere around them is full of hope & gratitude which makes them more likely to achieve anything they put their mind too, if you surround yourself with these kind of people you will be inspired & one your way to achieving everything you’ve ever dreamed of.

When someone takes more than want to give back, because good relationships are all about bettering each other & holding each other accountable. Any relationship you have with anyone should never feel like a burden, if you ever feel like you are being taken advantage of in anyway, make sure you cut ties immediately.

If someone no longer makes you happy with their presence, don’t ignore the signs from the universe, cut them off. Always surround yourself with joy & happiness, then reap the awards. We become like the first 5 people we spend the most time with. Spend time with happy people = being happy, spend time with unhappy people = being unhappy.

When the trust is dead, because the most important factor of any relationship is trust, it can take years to build up & seconds to break, but once it’s broken it’s un-fixable because you’ll always be questioning the relationship.

If someone does not support you & your dreams because anyone that you spend to me with should lift you up & encourage you to be the best version of yourself. Always stay clear of anyone that brings you down & tries to crush your dreams.

People & your feelings towards them change & every decision you make has an impact on your future so choose wisely who you spend your precious time with because you won’t be able to get that time back.

Read – Second chance